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The first therapy session

I found a therapist who understands some of this esoteric stuff. It took me 2 weeks to get an appointment. It's finally here. A few days have passed since my last freakout, and i'm less unstable. I don't know how do therapy. My neighbor told me it might be helpful to list my hopes and fears for the therapy session.  Hopes: I hope to be able to communicate effectively and go down the right rabbit hole I hope to learn how to uncover why i have such strong negative emotions around this group of people I hope to learn why my flight mechanism has been triggered I hope to learn what I can do to work though this with my husband I hope to learn how I can try to be independently happy without my husband I hope to learn how, or if I should pursue my own spiritual journey Fears: I don't know how to start I don't know how much detail to give I don't know how to get back on track if I go down the wrong rabbit hole Fear that I'll dominate and lead the conversation Fear th...
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The panic

Ha. Me. Writing.... my feelings? This is not me, and on a public forum? It's okay no one will read it. They say "journal, it will help". So here goes.  I'm teetering on that fine line, do I stay or do I go? In the past it's been "go". It's always been "go". I was fearless and confident. It's always been as easy as flipping a switch. I just do. I don't look back, only forward. But back then I was much younger. This time feels harder to flip the switch. I want to, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I have way more to lose this time. For the first time in a long time, I'm actually settled. Or I was until about 6 months ago. Now everything just feels up in the air. Unsettled. And not what I signed up for. And in the past, I'd see this as the sign to "go" again.  Jezus, Why can't I even just write? I set this up like i'm trying to write a book, which is avoidance again. Just fucking focus on the feelings at...
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